Doubts and Answered Prayers

I guess it came on gradually, doubting, wondering, and sinking further into doubt and hurt. Praying for forgiveness for anything done. Asking for some sign, some assurance that what was could still be. Was Gary's spirit still with me? Once a good, loving, honest person is gone, is the love that now surrounds them so fulfilling that what was earthly is no longer necessary or even remembered.

That emptiness had become so complete - the loneliness so total - that my doubts overwhelmed me.

Then today, I received a bill that I'd totally forgotten about. It wasn't so much that I couldn't pay it, but enough to make me sit up and take notice. Enough to give me pause. Enough that I thought needed to check my accounts.

Logged onto my bank, opened my account -
and found a deposit from Gary's retirement - my first payment from them - for almost the exact amount of the bill. It didn't even dawn on me at first - but after an hour or so it hit me so I went back to check. Sure enough, there it was. Just a few bucks short of the exact amount. That's no Karma folks... that's real, that's substantial. Want proof .. there it was in black and white staring at me from my screen - like getting wacked up side my head by a baseball bat, swung by Barry Bonds.. on steroids.

But it didn't stop there.

TV was on - to one of my guilty pleasures... America's Got Talent. Someone on the show, can't remember if it was a Judge or the host, mentioned something about some chicken farmer type person who had given an amazing performance in a previous show. I remembered that these performances usually get posted to U-tube, so thought I'd check it out.

And that was the cherry on top folks.. and whatever doubts I had were swept away and now the tears weren't about the doubts and the emptiness. Instead it was about knowing - that they are still with us in spirit and we are still important to them. Of all the songs - all the lyrics in the world, this is what I needed, the words I needed to hear.
And in case you missed the original act ... here it is... (not sure it directly links by click so you may have to cut and paste the link. Have patience through the beginning. It's worth it).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzul5rxd-i8