HORRID DAYS

What a truly horrid week .. leaking propane, lay off one of the two best people at the office cause they aren't full time...a death in the other worker's family.. Had to spend $750 on repairs to the pick-up after it won't start in the grocery store parking lot.. and the flipping animal control is snooping after my pups. By Thursday it was so bad I stopped at Rite Aid and got a six pack, a pint of Hagen Daz, a jar of chocolate syrup, and a box of Excedrin PM.

Oh, and speaking of the truck not starting in a public lot, I realized that had Gary walked out of that store and seen someone - anyone - man, woman, child, etc, having that kind of trouble, he would have stopped, helped or tried to, and stayed with that person till someone came who could help. I guess you can figure .. that did not happen. I watched as person after person walked right on by and wouldn't even look. Shoot, I even made a call for an elderly lady waiting for a ride as I waited for a tow. Gary was so right about everything. This world and many of the people living in it leave a lot to be desired.

The bad piece of that is that I have a lot of doubt that anyone could EVER live up to the standard he set. That is sad on so many levels I can't count. But most of all, how could I ever be with anyone that didn't meet that standard - and I can't think of anyone I've ever met (save my dad of course - and he's gone too), who could meet that standard. If I was 75 or 80 that may not be too bad. But I'm in my 50's, and I"m finding out I don't do alone real well.

I start things then in the middle can't remember why or what I'm doing - or sometimes don't even start. I keep waiting to wake up - but I don't.

I went by to clean up the grave site the other day and FINALLY remembered where Gary's mother and brother were buried. Cleaned those two up while I was there. The edging they do on these sites is atrocious. I hope none of the family is offended that I cleaned them up a bit. Its just one of the little quirks Southern, Cajun, French, Catholic women seem to have.

I need to clean the garage and probably need to sell some things before time takes its toll on them. My daughter says to put them on Craig's List. Thought about it, but that would mean some stranger would end up knowing I'm up here on this ranch without next-door neighbors and a law enforcement that takes 40 minutes to respond. I'm not really scared.. .I have dogs, and an alarm.. but frankly don't really want to have to shoot anyone.

I've been trying to figure out what to really do with this blog, besides whine of course. I kind of thought of possibly using it to put together some "Recipe's for One". I've looked and looked.. found cookbooks that are "recipes for a crowd" .. "recipes for two" "Recipes for breakfast" "Recipes for the Ladies Club"..."Recipes for family nights".. etc etc. I find myself either eating the same old stuff .. quickie, DEFINITELY not healthy food, or picking up fast food. I'm not the MOST adventurous eater. By the time I get home from work, feed the horse and dogs, get inside, go through the mail, water some plants - it could be 9 o'clock. So, I need to look around and see what I can find.. and I'll post it. Maybe it will make me feel useful.

Maybe it will help me feel less like an empty shell.